What If I’m Angry at God Because of a Death?


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I can never forget a statement made by the facilitator of the second grief support group I attended early in my grief. He started off by saying, “I want you to feel free to express whatever you feel. If you’re angry, tell us. And if you’re angry at God, tell us and Him. He already knows anyway.”

That was a light bulb moment for me. I suppose that I had thought there was this secret compartment in my brain where my thoughts were shielded from God’s sight. I immediately thought to God and to myself, “Yeah, I am angry with you, God.”   I quickly added, “Now I don’t want to be, but I am.”  From that moment on, I felt freed and safe to express in a healthy way any emotion that I felt.

Years later in prayer to God I was brought to my knees with a second confession of anger toward my Heavenly Father. I realized at that moment that I was not only upset with God for taking Cindy and Katie physically out of my life, but I was also angered at Him for leaving me here to live and grieve. In my mind, it would have been much better for God to take my entire family to Heaven to be together with Him.

I tell you about my anger toward God for one reason. I told God I was angry at Him not just once but twice. I wasn’t struck with lightning, and He continues to bless me and my family.

God knows how you and I feel as mourners and why. I believe God gave us grief and all its emotions to help us transition through the losses He knows we will experience.   He is a loving, understanding, merciful and forgiving Father who wants you to heal. Mourners, speak to God from an honest and sincere heart. Let Him know how you feel and let Him help you heal.

Written by Larry M. Barber, LPC-S, CT author of the grief survival guide “Love Never Dies: Embracing Grief with Hope and Promise”  available online at Amazon, Barnes & Noble or Christianbook.com.

The grief survival guide is also available in Spanish as “El Amor Nunica Muere: Aceptando el Dolor con Esperanza y Promesa” on Amazon.com.

Larry is the director of GriefWorks, a free grief support program for children and their families in Dallas TX  http://grief-works.org.

FOR INFORMATION ON SCHEDULING COUNSELING SERVICES WITH LARRY BARBER  https://taylorcounselinggroup.com/larry-barber .

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5 Comments Add yours

  1. Marty Tousley says:

    Excellent, Larry, and well worth sharing. Thank you! (I’ve added your post to the base of my article, “Is Anger One of the Stages of Grief?” http://j.mp/zVUhp5 )

  2. Walt says:

    Interesting reflection, especially having just watched the movie, “God’s Not Dead”.

  3. Lisa says:

    I know this is an older blog but it really resonated with me. On October 29th 2017, we were tasked with taking my father off the ventilator because of congestive heart failure. I’m so angry at God. I’m so angry that I prayed more, the Bible says all we need to have is the faith of a mustard seed and I have a lot more but that didn’t save my Dad. I’m so angry because God is a miracle worker and he refused to work a miracle. The next day after my Dad died God did speak to me because I cried out and asked him why and he said it was his time and I asked God what am I suppose to do and he told me to live. But how can I live when my rock is no longer there?

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