Grief Minister

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Ways to Comfort a Mourning Parent

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Comforting parents after the death of a child can be challenging, but the skills necessary to help a bereaved parent can be within our abilities to care and reach out.  The skills include:

  • Acknowledging the family’s loss, their pain and your  sadness about the loss

  • Allowing parents to express themselves without judging them or giving unsolicited advice or suggestions

  • Allowing the parents to cry

  • Allowing yourself to cry

  • Not feeling awkward and speaking when a silence occurs

  • Just being present

  • Saying the name of the child in conversation

  • Avoid using clichés such as “I know how you feel.”  “At least you know they are in a better place.”  Or  “You’re young.  You can always have other children.”

  • Being interested in their stories about the child and their loss

  • Avoiding trying to explain why the loss took place

  • Sharing your fond memories of the child

  • Asking to see pictures of the child

  • Extending gestures of concern

  • Remembering anniversaries and special days  by contacting the parents

  • Including the surviving children in your conversations and in your care for the family

  • Donating a memorial in honor of the child

  • Doing something special for the family without asking or without being asked

  • Respecting the grieving styles and needs of the parents

  • Keep in mind that the parents may not be able to ask for help or be able to tell you just what they need.

  • Giving them time and emotional space to heal.  Be patient.  Written by Larry M. Barber, LPC-S, CT author of the grief survival guide “Love Never Dies: Embracing Grief with Hope and Promise”  available online at Amazon, Barnes & Noble or Christianbook.com.The grief survival guide is also available in Spanish as “El Amor Nunica Muere: Aceptando el Dolor con Esperanza y Promesa” on Amazon.com.Larry is the director of GriefWorks, a free grief support program for children and their families in Dallas TX  http://grief-works.org.FOR INFORMATION ON SCHEDULING COUNSELING SERVICES WITH LARRY BARBER  https://taylorcounselinggroup.com/larry-barber .