Tips for Your First Year in Grief

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By Larry M. Barber, LPC-S, CT-R

The first year of grief can be extremely difficult for the mourner because there are so many "firsts" without the loved one present.  Each special day can become a painful reminder of the loss.  Here are some practical tips for the mourner trying to navigate through that first year of birthdays, holidays, anniversaries and family gatherings without a loved one physically present.

  • You are not alone, and you should not try to do your grief on your own and by yourself. You can ask for help & support without feeling guilty.

  • Neither love for the missing person nor grief take a vacation or the day off. Don’t try to put your grief on hold even for special observances. Your need to grieve in healthy ways continues.

  • Talk about your grief. Be with those who will listen, support & not judge you. You have an ongoing need to remember your loved one in meaningful and healing ways.

  • Be patient with yourself. Realize your limitations. Don't overdo.

  • Eliminate unnecessary stress. Grief is stressful enough without adding new stresses or obligations for yourself.

  • Do what is right for you during the special day(s). Explain to others what your plans are for the special observances & holidays.

  • Plan ahead for the day. And if the plan doesn't appear to be working, go directly into Plan B.

  • Embrace the memories of your loved one.

  • Remember the dread of the special day is usually worse than experiencing the day itself.

  • Honor your loved one in a meaningful way.

  • Communicate with others. Don't suffer in silence. Occasional time in solitude can be helpful, but withdrawing from others in your grief only adds to your stress and pain.

  • Ask for help if you need it. If you don't ask for what you need, you will probably not get it.

Written by Larry M. Barber, LPC-S, CT-R author of the grief survival guide “Love Never Dies: Embracing Grief with Hope and Promise”  available online at Amazon, Barnes & Noble or Christianbook.com.

Learn the counseling and support services provided by Larry as a licensed professional counselor by going to this link: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/larry-michael-barber-wylie-tx/1176362

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