Take the Test: How's Your Grief?

Posted by Larry M. Barber, LPC-S, CT-R

How are you doing in your grief? Take the following grief inventory to gauge where you are in your grief journey marking the statements “Y” for yes when the apply to you and “No” when they don’t.

____1. Sometimes I feel left out; people forget to ask about me and how I am doing.

____2. Sometimes I get angry with the person for dying.

____3. Sometimes I feel sad and hurt when I think about it.

____4. Sometimes I feel guilty.

____5. It really feels weird to be around other people who knew the person that died.

____6. I wonder about death and dying

____7. Sometimes I feel guilty cause I don’t want to want to be sad all the time.

____8. Sometimes I get jealous because other people don’t have these feelings.

____9. Sometimes this all feels like a dream that will go away when I wake up.

____10. Sometimes I feel real confused and out-of-sorts!

____11. I feel helpless, like there isn't anything I could do to stop it or to help.

____12. I wonder if the same thing could happen to someone else in my family.

____13. Anything can hit you the wrong way and bring up all kinds of feelings.

____14. Not crying means that I am strong and I can hold it together.

____15. I wonder if I should of acted differently towards the person that died.

____16. Sometimes I find myself getting angry at the person that died.

____17. Sometimes I find myself mad at God for letting this happen.

____18. I wonder about what would have happened if they did not die.

____19. I need a break from thinking about all this cause I still need to have fun.

____20. I know I'm just a normal person in an abnormal situation.

____21. Sometimes I start thinking that the person really isn't dead.

____22. People are always trying to get me to be happy when I need to feel sad.

____23. Sometimes my family isn't very helpful and I have to talk to friends.

____24. Sometimes my friends aren't very helpful and I rely on my family for support.

____25. I find myself being more cautious or careful these days.

____26. I feel like the sadness will never go away.

____27. Sometimes I feel like I'm the only person who feels the way I do about all this.

____28. I get mad because this is so unfair!!!

____29. I get confused sometimes, and it's hard to concentrate and remember things.

____30. Sometimes I get scared, even for no reason.

____31. I feel like I am a different person now that this has happened to me.

____32. Sometimes I pretend it hasn’t happened.

____33. Life goes on--and I get mad because it's not happening to anyone else's family, it's

happened to mine!

____34. I can still be happy even though this is happening to me.

____35. Sometimes when I think about it, I don't feel anything at all.

____36. I'd like to erase this all from my brain!

____37. Sometimes I don't want to think about it or talk about it because it's too much!

____38. I just can't help worrying about other people in my family.

____39. Sometimes I have dreams and even nightmares about the person who died.

____40. Sometimes I cry for no reason.

____41. I get afraid sometimes to be alone

____42. I get worried or feel anxious more than I used to (for no particular reason).

____43. Nighttime can be the hardest time—that's when I can't stop thinking about it!

____44. Sometimes I think I'll never get use to this.

____45. Sometimes I feel guilty because I did or said something mean to the person who's

died--but I was just mad.

____46. Sometimes I can't remember what it was like before the person died.

____47. I know what has happened but don’t understand why!

____48. I wonder if the person who died knows that I love him/her.

____49. Nobody asked me what I think or how I feel.

____50. I know no matter what happens, I am going to be okay.

Whew! That's quite a list!  So how many thoughts and feelings did you check?  Maybe you recognized ten or twenty, or maybe even all fifty!  Some of these things are hard to feel and some are hard to admit that you feel.  Remember that taking an inventory of how the loss has impacted you equips you to better face your grief journey.

Remember, the thing about thoughts and feelings is that they are not right or wrong, and they are not good or bad.  They just are, and you can't help thinking or feeling the way you do about anything!  It is what you do to take care of your thoughts and feelings that matter. 

Some of these feelings feel good, and some feel not so good. All these thoughts and feelings are normal!  Everyone who experiences grief can think and feel these ways.  And, many persons, big and little, find it helpful to share these with others.  Find someone with whom you feel safe to share your grief thoughts and feelings with.

Posted by Larry M. Barber, LPC-S, CT author of the grief survival guide “Love Never Dies: Embracing Grief with Hope and Promise”  available online at Amazon, Barnes & Noble or Christianbook.com.

Larry is a licensed professional, counselor, providing counseling and support services seen at this link: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/larry-michael-barber-wylie-tx/1176362

FOR INFORMATION ON SCHEDULING COUNSELING SERVICES WITH LARRY BARBER go to this link:

https://headway.co/providers/larry-barber?utm_source=pem&utm_medium=direct_link&utm_campaign=54173